Friday, May 5, 2017

Surviving the Long Distance Relationship




First I would like to say and brag a little about my "LDR" (Long distance relationship).We have been together for 2.5 years and we are exactly 1 week away from our wedding which is pretty amazing if you know our story but I wont make this post about that today. We have had our struggles but this article is more so on how to survive one. My fiance Scott is from Toronto Canada and I am in Nashville TN. This is not just a normal "LDR" relationship, we are literally in different countries but luckily for us all the stars and timing lined up right which is pretty important.  People ask us all the time how have we have made it for over two years and what it takes. Trust me when I say it wasn't always easy and Scott is mostly the reason why it has worked and I will admit that I am the difficult one. The points I'm going to make have worked for us and might help someone else, so feel free to chime in with any suggestions or questions.
1.Be realistic..I will say the "LDR" is not for the weak. Do not try this if you know this type of thing is not for you or you know you have trust issues and the relationship is just a fling. Someone can tell pretty early on or most can if the relationship and person are worthy of this time and effort. Don't waste your time on people who are not the one or just a fling. I see this time and time again and I can never understand people who waste time with the wrong people.
2.Trust- If you know you have trust issues or you struggle with this.. DON'T even try. It will never work until you work this issue out with yourself. You have to have a good foundation of trust to make it work or even make it last.
3.Timing- I have always believed love and relationships can only work with the right timing. Even if the love is a storybook/magical type of love it will never work if both individuals do not have their life together or both are not ready to be in such a relationship.
4.Compromise- I struggle with this one in every day life and in my "LDR".. Relationships in general are HARD so you have to be willing to compromise A LOT. Make the effort, move your schedule around, change your routine, etc. 
5.Get Creative- You will have to get creative if you want to keep both people happy and satisfied. Personally I am ok with a face time and/or phone call when needed but some people need more than that. Watch movies together at the same time, literally (Scott likes to press play at the exact same time so we are at the same parts). Play games, read the same book, etc.  Scott and I still do this even when we are apart a week at a time because it keeps us connected. He favors face time more than I but we compromise and that is why it works. 
6.Communicate- Speak up if you want or need something. Plan ahead and make time for each other and time to see each other or be there for certain important dates. Scott and I always plan out our days/schedules with whats going on in our lives. Example being holidays, events, birthdays, etc. Another way to keep things interesting and communicate is to write letters, cards, making homemade items etc. Scott and I both got really creative in the beginning with these types of things.I purchased so many items from Etsy in the beginning because they had so many cute gifts for long distance dating. This key chain below is very similar to one I purchased Scott for his birthday and I was so terrified it was too much but he loved it. If you knew me you would know its super hard for me to be vulnerable or mushy. This was a huge step for me and us in our relationship.
Link to shop
https://www.etsy.com/

I also purchased same other cool gifts for him like a coffee cup with our countries connecting with a dotted line and plane. See below for details.
https://www.etsy.com/ 

7.Pick your battles- Don't fight over silly things, they are just not worth it. This rule stands for all relationships. Again I struggle with this one but I think this comes with age and maturity.
8.Expect it to be hard and try to prepare yourself for the uphill battle and be patient. These types of relationships are hard but very much worth it if you're with the right person.
9. Enjoy your time you do have together and spend it wisely.
I would search the internet and Pinterest for cute ideas and things to do for Scott.. I mailed him cookies in a cute tin mailbox, made him a long distance card (inspiration from Etsy again), there are so many cute and clever things you can do to keep it interesting and fun. I would suggest checking on shipping before hand as it can get pricey. This pic below is from my Instagram of a card I made Scott.I will be making a diy post later but for now I used google maps for our location, some craft paper, glue, scizzers, and made this little card. They are a little too pricey for me on Etsy so I made it instead. Any craft store will have all the materials you need.

10. Know the long term goal and keep your eye and head on the goal. This is pretty important and will get you through the rough times and days. If you are confused on the relationship or have no idea where its going, what is the point. Another general rule of thumb for relationships but especially "LDR" ones. 
Scott and I have somehow mastered our schedules and routines on most days because it works for us and our personality traits. I realize not many or all people can do this. Scott's job requires him to travel A LOT and I am an only child who can entertain myself and I'm fully independent and self efficient. I am a recruiter and talk to people all day everyday so I don't mind quiet time or doing things on my own, he loves people, talking, and being around people with his job. It just works and we trust each other, We communicate as much as possible and make the most of our time and schedules. We knew each other years before we ever actually went on a date and got to know each other long before we dated and took our time so that could have played a huge role in it as well. Neither of us are one to rush or settle for anything less. We were never in a hurry or rushed the relationship. Its all relative to the people involved and personality traits.
 I honestly feel like I hit the jackpot with Scott and it works mostly because he is just an amazing guy and the universe just allowed everything to work out perfectly. If you're in a "LDR" I would love to know what works or doesn't work for you. I know the struggle so don't hesitate to reach out. 
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9 comments

  1. This is the sweetest post. Being long-distance probably alowed you to cultivate your relationship in a way that kind of made you appreciate each other even more! Don't stop making the hand-made notes and such. And yes. Timing and communication are key!

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    1. Thank you so much Jackie! I agree the notes are good for every relationship.

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  2. What a heart-warming post. I love all the little gifts and what a fantastic idea to watch movies at the same time. I wish you both all the very best for your continued lives together.

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    1. Thank you thank you! He's a huge movie buff!

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  3. This was a sweet post! I've never been in a long distance relationship but I could see how there would be struggles. I like the idea of watching movies at the same time!

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    1. Thanks Amber! It has been hard but well worth it!

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  4. This is a beautiful post and resonates with myself fully: I live in the U.K. and my partner does too, but I live near Birmingham and he lives in Manchester. Although it is only an hour by train, we only get to see eachother on weekends.
    At first, a lot of people I knew couldn't understand why I would be with someone 70 miles away... but sometimes it's nice to have the weeknights to yourself (I too am an only child) and the weekends to focus on your partner. We take it in turns to visit eachother and try to stay involved as much as possible in each others life.
    You are completely right in saying that an end goal is necessary, knowing there is a "light at the end of the tunnel" is certainly something to look forward to!
    Thank you for the lovely post!
    Elle
    Xxx

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    1. Hey Elle! You're so sweet and I hope this does help you and your partner! I actually prefer it but everyone's different. I hope all is well.

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  5. Love this. I was in a LDR for just over two years and although it didn't work out it was an amazing experience.

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